Posted by: Madman in the Marketplace | January 6, 2011

Win the Social Lottery

Negro domestic servant, Atlanta, Georgia. May 1939.

Take heart America … no matter how bad it seems, no matter how far your fortunes may fall, you may be bailed out by a You Tube video, or a winning lottery ticket, or a TV show with a big bus full of furniture and toys from a major retail chain, or an Undercover Boss, or merely the right benevolent person crossing your path. Like the heartwarming story of Ted Williams and his golden voice:

In a must-see segment on this morning’s “Today Show,” Williams told Matt and Meredith that he thanks God for this second chance and is taking his new-found fame “one step at time.”

When you win, though, make sure to follow the script. Gawd, almighty Gawd has smiled down upon you. Remember to sprinkle in some recovery speak, talk about second chances and what a great country this is. Remember to play your part, because this hard, cold culture can just as easily grind you under again. Proclaim ONLY IN THIS GREAT LAND as often and as sincerely as you can.

Make sure to emphasize how you can offer up some skill, some talent, some way to entertain, and make sure that you do so with humility. Make sure to thank the power-that-was-your-savior profusely, especially the nice white man with the camera. Don’t worry, you’re not being exploited, you’re an object lesson in human goodness and hope!

As long as you can demonstrate that you DESERVE the “second chance”. If you want to try to call attention to the others that were in your former dire straits, make sure that you emphasize that they, too, have some untapped skills that make them “worth” saving, because basic justice, decency, charity … none of those things are reason enough. Remember that if you don’t show that you DESERVE the help/uplift/redemption you’ve stumbled into, then you might get lumped into the rest, who can be summed up as part of the waste, fraud and abuse that must be CUTCUTCUT to save us from the Gubmint.

It’s a heartwarming story, one for the ages, one redolent of Kipling, of the company store, of the white man’s burden and the loving masters who care for their servants and slaves as they would simple children.

I would say colonialism is a wonderful thing. It spread civilization to Africa. Before it they had no written language, no wheel as we know it, no schools, no hospitals, not even normal clothing. – Ian Smith, last Prime Minister of Rhodesia

Colonialism no longer requires travel or conquering or subjugation by force … colonialism has been internalized, it owns the language and the culture, it presents helping one another as something that must be EARNED.

Mr. Williams didn’t make this whole sorry script so … and he’s doing what he feels he has to do to survive. This sad morality play isn’t his to stop, his to end … because you know if he tried none of us would know who he is. The chance came his way, he’s grateful, may his days continue on their happy way.

The whole thing is locked in, so many of us are trapped, and part of the scam is that we all MUST love stories like this, so heartwarming and redemptive in their power. After all … without this meager circus one is left only to stare into the void.



  1. >Colonialism is the establishment, maintenance, acquisition and expansion of colonies
    > in one territory by people from another territory. Colonialism is a process whereby
    > sovereignty over the colony is claimed by the metropole and the social structure,
    > government, and economics of the colony are changed by colonists – people from
    > the metropole.

    To me that definition implies the populace is complicit. I don’t think its possible for tyrannies to engage in Colonialism.

  2. “you may be bailed out by a You Tube video, or a winning lottery ticket, or a TV show with a big bus full of furniture and toys from a major retail chain, or an Undercover Boss, or merely the right benevolent person crossing your path.”

    Don’t forget the “enough Wheat Thins to feed a village” van.

    • now that is REALLY some good luck!

      “Here’s a pallet of processed food to prove you should love us!”


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